yamanai ame da neeee

Thursday, October 22, 2009

i'm not sure what to do anymore... for the first time in a very long time, i feel like i just want to sit down somewhere and whine to someone who won't judge me. and complain and complain, and cry if need be and scream if need be and release if need be. i don't know if i'm happy or not, so many new faces, so many bridges malformed, or are just in process. i don't know. i suddenly feel so helpless..

it is in shocking realisation that i discovered there is nothing left.
all i see is work work and more work in front of me, and i have already reached the point where i can no longer drag myself out of bed to school. so many mornings, i lie on my bed and tell myself there will always be more time. its not good on the morale, really. there isn't more time, and you know it my dear ng liting. i'm just wasting money, wasting energy... wasting my life away.

i want others to come to me for security and yet deep down i know i cannot give it.
i never understood myself, just like how i always laugh and say i can never understand some people, i can never understand myself. maybe in 10 years time? maybe i need to be challenged? maybe i should stop being so timid about my decisions.. to just stop inhibiting myself. maybe if i tell myself i can, and just throw myself at it. beautiful things can happen.. i really... am not sure. not sure of myself, the future, and sometimes the past. did those things really happen? or are they just a fraction of my imagination? do all these relationships still exist? have they ever, truly, existed? omg..... too many things to think about, and all so useless in helping me through my current predicament.

i hate the way my art turns out now. small patterns that try to be neat but are not. striving to extend but is unable to. so awkward. oh my... whats happening?

and i don't even know what i'm upset about.
i want my mama and daddy back ):
omg i'm so mentally weak ughhhh it pisses me off so much.

12:21 AM

Monday, October 19, 2009

i love the fact that Mozart composed a piece called Lick My Butt.
although it was found post humously hahahaha

9:51 PM

Saturday, October 17, 2009

do you know i have alot of things to do and the last thing i wanna do are things i find meaningless, like contacting 30 year olds about an organisation that has been out of their lives since about 10 years ago.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
why did i put myself through this.

8:00 PM

Friday, October 16, 2009

恋しといとしをえがいた君のグラフッチ
会いたいと会えないのバランスぼくにエネルッギ～

what a sweet song <3
hai...... i walked into a boys toilet today. seriously. first time in my life and i feel damn embarassed about it. although i didn't technically go in, and i didn't see anything explicit. hahahah.. but i got laughed at by a stranger ):

i don't know why i'm here when i have a paper in less than 7 hours and i still can't rmb much of what i've been studying this past week. haha

i'm still pissed about what happened this monday. whoops. haiii i can't help it. its all crumbling in front of me and i can't do anything about it. just because i don't possess the qualities of a 'leader'. its ok, using cognitive dissonance i have convinced myself that i don't care that much anyway (omg contridicting myself already myyy goodness)

p.s liam is turning out to be so cute. i wanna kidnap him. like how i wanted to kidnap all his brothers....

1:27 AM

something lacking in life.
Monday, October 12, 2009

i think this sem, i made alot of new friends.
but i realise its so easy to find friends you can talk to...
but, i think many times they don't understand. i don't need someone i can talk to, but someone i can be quiet with.
that's so much more important to me.

8:04 PM

Saturday, October 03, 2009

my cousin got married ytd :O

i'm quite shocked. i dunno why.
from now on, theres only 6 children left durinf reunion dinner ):

9:24 PM